Some things you know intellectually, but you do not know until you are neck deep in it. Parenting is like that. Before you have kids, you hear stories and you think you know, but you have absolutely no idea. None.
Before you have a baby, people tell you all kinds of things about how much you will love them and think they are perfect, wonderful, intelligent human beings even when all they do is blow spit bubbles all day. You think you know.
But then you hold them and your whole world explodes. You finally know what it is to love something in a visceral way. You know that you would do absolutely anything to give the moon to this tiny person. Anything.
Eventually, you realize that being a parent is a whole series of not really knowing things. It is a thousand moments of your world exploding: when they take their first step, when they reach for you after being separated, when they hug you for the first time, when they say “I love you” in that tiny voice, when they pick you flowers, or draw you a picture. Every time you come to know something new, your heart crumples.
As they get older, you start to know different things, things that make you crazy, make you pull your hair out, or make you wish it was acceptable to drink at 10am. It is still not OK to do that, right?
Before I became a mom of two, I knew there would be extra whining, fighting, and mess. But I did not know.
There are days that I know I am crazy, when the laundry never gets folded, there are matchbox cars literally everywhere, when I have wiped each bum in this house multiple times, the dishes are overflowing from the sink, I manage to write some words, and dinner only gets made by some miracle.
Even on those days, at the end we will be snuggling into bed to read and sing and I will feel little arms around my neck and small lips meet mine. Then, my world explodes and I know how blessed I am to be the mom of two small, wonderful, amazing, and intelligent boys and I would do anything to give them the moon.