Archive for June, 2008


Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

I have learned that once I put Gideon to sleep, I have to wait about 10 minutes to see if it is for real. Sometimes, he is only cat napping and wakes up once he realizes Momma has put him down. Shameful Momma. Today, he has been awake and marathon eating, seriously one stretch was almost two hours, all day. I am hoping this nap takes so I can shower and have an afternoon snack. At least, he is good, quiet, and alert when he is awake.

I am still trying to find hours in my day for the things for which I used to always have time. And by things I mean the Internets. I keep telling people this and they keep sympathizing, but that is not the real issue. I have writing to do, some with deadlines. Things to read. Research to do. But I seem to never even have time to properly answer email. Of course, you may point out, I do find time to ramble on and on here. Exactly. I know I need to do all these things, but it is hard to make myself CARE about them. These are things I still love, but I ignore them willingly.

I knew that time would be precious once Gideon was here. People tell you that and you do not understand until they are actually here, sucking on your boobs for two hours while you sit in front of TV because what the hell else are you going to do? Sadly, I watched Ice Princess on the Disney channel today and not even Michelle Trachtenberg‘s presence in the movie made my brain feel less rotten at the end. What I did not know, and what no one told me, was that not only is it hard to find time to do things you need to do, like work, but you do not want to think about anything other than diapers, naps, and babies. Well, your baby anyway.

Now I am stuck wondering how I am going to shake this funk and get back into the swing of things, because I need to be swinging into some projects right meow. I know this is new Mommy hormones yadda, yadda, yadda. Those things that make it ok to get up every two hours, all night. Oooo boy and am I ever thankful for them. Otherwise I would be a troll of a woman about now. I just wish they would ease up when I need to start thinking about how technology effects libraries and the way people interact with them or about all that committee work I have been ignoring.

Other Moms: How did you get back to business without losing your mind? Or maybe, how did you find it again?

I have written all this and heard not a peep from the wee one. That means the nap is taking and he should sleep for at least two hours. Hallelujah. I am going to go take a shower.


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Wednesday, Gideon and I met Ries at Chelsea Wine and Coffee Bar when he got off work. It is a smoke free bar which made it perfect for Gideon’s first outing. The Orbital Debris group, with whom Ries used to work, always invites us along for their monthly gatherings.

It was Gideon’s first happy hour, not likely to be his last if he takes after his mother. In the picture, you can see Ries, Gideon, and a glass of tasty beverage. The beer was Ries’ of course. Gideon is still a little young.

Sadly, I am limited to sips of other people’s drinks for awhile due to my current position as Head Cow of the Smith Household. On hot summer days like this, I really miss fruity drinks. During happy hours, I really miss good beer.

Speaking of good beer. Most of my libraryland friends are converging upon Anaheim, CA for ALA Annual. I wish you all safe travel and many free drinks. Or at least drinks with good company. I miss you guys.

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I have to admit that I live a relatively problem free life.  My problems aren’t real problems, like where is my next meal going to come from or am I going to be able to sleep somewhere with a roof tonight.  However, being human gives me the responsibility to complain when things don’t go right.  I also tend to be one of those people that just tries to wait out problems in hopes that they go away.  I know that isn’t the best tactic but at least this new fatherhood thing spurs me to break that habit.  So what has happened?  Let me tell you.

  1. ~4/21 – Refrigerator ice dispenser broke so we had to pay $150 to have some cheap plastic piece replaced.
  2. 4/22 – The alternator on my car died and my battery ran out driving in the dark on the way home from a final exam.  I then spent the next day (my 30th birthday) driving back and forth to get a new battery and driving car to the mechanic.
  3. 4/26 – My lawnmower broke.  It is electric, I opened up and couldn’t figure out what was wrong, and of course the only thing not under warranty was the only part broken so I had to buy a new one.
  4. 5/3 – The best and worst day of my life.  If you don’t know what happened on this life changing day and the next 5 weeks that followed then read a few of our previous posts.  Going into this day, I thought I had used up my “bad things happen in threes”.
  5. 5/7 – My former boss and mentor Bill Rochelle died after a year long battle with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s).
  6. 6/22 – My Playstation 3 stopped reading optical disks.  This may not seem like much to you all out there but this was devastating to me as this had become our DVD / Blu-ray player and video games have become one of my only forms of entertainment these days (when I can make the time).
  7. 6/25 – A thunderstorm at night somehow broke our oven.  We get some error code F9 which apparently indicates some kind of latch error.  A latch error? Really?  I can’t use my gas oven because some electrical switch won’t use the latch properly.

I realize while writing that these things seem petty, unfortunately that doesn’t reduce the level of frustration caused by all these things added upon the stress of being a new father.  I think the good news is that it hasn’t gotten beyond the point where I just want to scream.  It’s more like the agony of defeat.

–Ries, what more can happen? (wait, don’t ask that)

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I love coffee, but I love tea even more. This weekend, my sister and I threw a Tea Party Bridal Shower for my sister-in-law-to-be complete with cucumber sandwiches. I mean you have to have cucumber sandwiches at a tea party.

Today a rearranged my tea cabinet and busted out the chrysanthemum tea my friend, Melissa, bought for me on her trip to China a few months ago. When she gave it to me, I was preggers and could not drink it. I decided today was a great time to try it.

I bioled the water and poured it over the little flower buds. They opened up and were quite pretty whilst the tea was brewing. The tea is good but it has an odd smell. I think it smells like weed. Mary Jane. Doobie. Marijuana.

Weird. Seriously. It smells like a Steve Miller concert. It even has an aftertaste of the smell too. Not unpleasant, just interesting.

I feel fine and the Internet tells me it is safe to drink so it must be true. Next time though, I think I will try it with honey.

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Telling Jokes

My Kiddos

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

So a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar…

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Six Week Check-Up

Gideon and I went for a 6 week check up with Jackie, Midwife Extraordinaire, today.

  • I am below pre-baby weight now. Hooray me! My goal is to reach a healthy weight for my body type so I want to loose about 15-20 more pounds. Do not worry. I am eating well and balenced. I have to make food for the Gideon.
  • All my bits have healed well. I know you were all wondering about that. 🙂
  • Gideon now weighs 9lbs 14oz. For reference, when we left the hospital 12 days ago he was about 8lbs 11oz (I think). Ries can confirm that. He is the numbers man after all.

I have gotten some other questions about Gideon’s progress, medically. He is, at the moment, a normal, healthy 6 and a half week old baby. He has nothing wrong with him. Well, he has his dad’s round head and those long Sauser feet, but I am not sure that is a medical issue. Besides, there is always plastic surgery or the next kid. *sarcasm alarm for the impaired*

We are all healthy, by the grace of God, and thankful for it.

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The Unexpected

I expected a lot of things about being a parent. I expected to feel like a milk cow while feeding a mewling infant every 1-2 hours. I expected to have my son attached to my body in some way for the first year. I expected to be tired (though I have to say, pregnancy was way worse than this!). I knew that Gideon would cry, often, loud protesting cries for no other reason than he was tired and could not figure out how to close those big blue eyeballs. I knew sleeping with my son within arm’s reach meant no privacy and sleeping different. I knew this would be the hardest job ever.

I knew all these things. It is the unexpected things that took me by surprise.

I was unprepared for the thing that would exhaust me the most, emotionally. Responsibility. The feeling that I am responsible for another person. A defenseless person. I person that requires me to do everything for them, to create an environment that is loving, safe, and sustainable. I feel the responsibility like some new parents describe their lack of sleep, as this thing that you are unable to solve in a useful, timely manner.

Do not think Ries is not helping. He is. This feeling is separate from the actual other hands caring for Gideon. This is just what I feel and it is not a bad thing. I think. It is the feeling that keeps me from going crazy at 3 in the morning when Gideon decides it is awake time. It reminds me that only I can be momma to this precious boy. What a hard and joyous job!

In addition, I did not expect for it to be so hard to put him asleep anywhere but right next to me. A recent post on the Informal Matriarch talks about night time feeling like a vulnerable time. Gideon sleeps in a crib that backs right up to our bed, like a sidecar. He is close. I can reach out and touch him. I often fall asleep with my hand on his belly, to make sure he is breathing. I know he will be fine, but I check anyway. Sometime between 3 and 6 am I usually pull him in bed with me.*I just miss him. I know he belongs where ever I am, in my arms. It is one of the reasons that Ries and I only have slings for Gideon, no stroller. I want to carry him. It is easier for us and makes sense with our style.**

I know I am not the only parent who feels crazy in this way.

*Please do not argue in this space about co-sleeping. Every parent makes choices they think are right. You can make yours and I will make mine and it is more than probable that our children will live and flourish with our choices.

**Please read the above and replace co-sleeping with attachment parenting.

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