Archive for May, 2013

Having children is a life of moments strung together. The moments are sweet, happy, sad, hilarious and they all combine to make parenthood what it is, a crazy rollercoaster with no exit.

Some moments are sweet.

Every night, while Ries reads to the boys, we are currently on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I lay with Wash in his bed. He is too young to be still for 30 minutes of reading, so I snuggle with him and that keeps him in his bed, most of the time.

Last week, he placed his little hands on my cheeks and turned my head towards his. He turned those big hazel eyes on me and said, “Mommy, Jesus yuves you. God made you.”

Of course, I completely melted and replied, “Jesus loves you too. God made you too. And Mommy loves you.” And then I kissed his chubby cheeks all over, inhaling his little boy smell while my heart burst.

It is moments like that, these tiny glimpses of his loving soul, that I have to remember when I try not to strangle him as he elbows his brother repeatedly in the face at the grocery store while the deli ladies laugh.


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Seeking the Holy Place

“One thing I have asked of the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, and to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; In the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.” Psalm 27:4-5

Two weeks ago, I went on Beach Retreat with the high school students. Beach Retreat is about getting away, getting to know each other, and searching for God. The kids get a chance to relax, something our teens are seldom able to do, and to be vulnerable in a safe place. Vulnerable enough to ask tough questions.

They are seeking God. Some of them have found Him and are starting to ask the questions all believers come to: Who am I? Who is God? Why all this and where do we go now? Some have yet to see Him and ask similar questions: Who am I? Who is God? What is the big deal and why do I matter?

Most people are seeking something. Some seek worldly things. Some seek the eternal.

Those who seek for the Lord will find Him. He is always seeking us. He is waiting for us to turn our eyes to Him so He can show us all that we are meant to be, what we are meant to be. When we seek Him in the hardest of times, He reaches down to hide us.

Psalm 27 says that He places us in the inner most place in the tabernacle, the Holy of Holies, where the Ark of the Covenant was kept. The Holy of Holies could only be entered by a priest, the consecrated of God. It was the holiest place, precious and clean, and this is the place that God gently places us when we are broken and in need of rest.

He scoops us up and puts us in the most holy of places because He believes we are precious and worthy of that sacred place.

When I am trembling and unsure, He fills me with peace. When I am broken and hurt, He gives me love and healing. When I have no words, He places me in a safe place, a secret place, and I know I am loved and I have joy.

“Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; in Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11

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Ries and I were blessed by an entire weekend alone last weekend. We spent most of our time at Messina Hof, but we took some time Friday to walk around Texas A&M’s campus. It has been a few years since we have been back and there are many new buildings.

It was amazing how things can change and yet feel exactly the same. We loved our time there. We had lunch at the Dixie Chicken where we spent so much time playing bones and drinking beer that I am amazed we graduated at all.

We also went to the Bonfire Memorial for the first time. After Stack fell, there was an impromptu memorial place where people left all kinds of things, flowers, rings, notes, but we have never been to the official memorial built years later.

I remember the day Bonfire fell vividly. Even the birds seems silent that day. Campus was in shock. Our soul had collapsed on that field.

Walking around that circle and reading the names of the twelve I felt like my whole body was an aching heart. A&M lost so much that day. We lost 12 comrades, beautiful people who loved and laughed and burned with the spirit that can ne’er be told. We lost a tradition that bound us together. We lost out heart.

The memorial is a beautiful thing. I wonder what current Aggies think of Bonfire, of the legacy it left, the lives touched, and the ones that it took from us. I hope younger Aggies know what Bonfire was to us, what the memory of it should be to them.

Bonfire was a thing built with love, a burning testament to our love for Aggieland. It was the symbol of our hearts and it still burns in our souls.

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