Saving Moments

Having children is a life of moments strung together. The moments are sweet, happy, sad, hilarious and they all combine to make parenthood what it is, a crazy rollercoaster with no exit.

Some moments are sweet.

Every night, while Ries reads to the boys, we are currently on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I lay with Wash in his bed. He is too young to be still for 30 minutes of reading, so I snuggle with him and that keeps him in his bed, most of the time.

Last week, he placed his little hands on my cheeks and turned my head towards his. He turned those big hazel eyes on me and said, “Mommy, Jesus yuves you. God made you.”

Of course, I completely melted and replied, “Jesus loves you too. God made you too. And Mommy loves you.” And then I kissed his chubby cheeks all over, inhaling his little boy smell while my heart burst.

It is moments like that, these tiny glimpses of his loving soul, that I have to remember when I try not to strangle him as he elbows his brother repeatedly in the face at the grocery store while the deli ladies laugh.

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I Choo-Choo-Choose You!

I find myself in a quiet house with everyone sleeping but me so I am using my time, perhaps unwisely, to write this. As opposed to doing something actually useful, for instance, like housework.

At least twice recently, I have had the same conversation, which I open up with some version of this: “You choose your spouse, you do not choose your kids.”

Think about this. You pick the person you marry, Lord help you because you will need it, so when they start bothering you, you have no one to blame but yourself. You got yourself into this mess and now only you, God, and your spouse can deal with it. Your kids choose you, in a way, but you still have to live with them. God gives you those little bundles of joy. Eventually, those bundles become annoying 3 year olds.

Now, you all know I adore my sons, but Gideon is at times a loud, demanding, bossy, argumentative boy who Never. Shuts. Up. In a word, annoying. What is worse is that he is my personality trapped in a little three-year-old-boy body so I am really just getting irritated with a tiny version of ME.

Fortunately, I know how to deal with me, trapped in a little body, and I handle it well about 70%of the time. About 30% of the time, I am crazy mom lady, but he has to have something to tell his future psychologist.

The thing I like and hate most about this age is that he is so rational and has this huge imagination at the same time. He is amazing, like a sponge. Sometimes, he just stops what he is doing and says, “I love you, Mom.” After that I am a puddle on the floor and I know without qualification that I have the best life filled with three boys, one big and two small, that I adore.

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For Keeps

This happened a couple days ago.

Me (holding Gideon and squeezing tight): I love you, Gideon. Will you be my baby?
Gideon (earnestly with his little cheek next to mine): Yes. Keep you.
Me (melting into a puddle): Aw, Baby. I want to keep you too. Can I keep you?
Gideon: Yes.

I think my heart just exploded.

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Every Day a Gift

IMG_1282

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

When we went for our check-up in December, we walked by Pod C, where Gideon was when he was the most sick. It made my heart flutter to look at him, so big, and remember him small and hooked up to the ECMO machine. Here are my boys, almost two years later.

Sometimes, I can not believe what a gift we have been given. I know that God has plans for our family and we never forget why we have each day.

Every day is a gift from God.

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When I Say You Love Me

Ries and Michelle

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

Happy you have put up with me for three years now aren’t they going to declare you a saint soon or something Day.

Three years ago, after many years of dating, Ries and I tied the knot for better or for worse. God has blessed us exceedingly with a partner that matches our strengths and weaknesses. I am so lucky to have Ries.

I love you, Sweety.

You better, you better, you bet.

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Happy Boy

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Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

This is the face of a boy happy in his new red wagon. It was an early birthday present from Gammy and Grandpa.

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Smile Big

Smile Big

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

This is how happy we are at the Smith household.

Gideon has learned the new trick of smiling in the past few days and I, of course, think it is the most adorable thing in the world. He is, at this moment, taking the first of his long afternoon naps. As soon as he wakes, we are going to the grocery store.

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The First Time is the Sweetest

Momma Loves Her Boy

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

I was able to hold Gideon today for an hour and a half. He was awake for part of it and then just went to sleep. I surprised myself by only crying a little at the beginning and then at the end when I gave him back. It was so nice to have his warm little body in my arms. So sweet. I wanted to kiss him all over his face. Ries will be here tonight and I am hoping that he can hold Gideon then.

Gideon did great and kept his stats up, though he was displeased at being moved from his bed. He is being weaned off his morphine and thus is more alert than he has been. As a result, Gideon also fights his tube more than he did before. Hopefully, he will only have the ventilator in for a couple more days. He is doing great today.

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