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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Over the Smith family dinner tble we have a lot of interesting discussions, ranging from what we did that day to national and international news. Gideon participates, asking questions and adding quips. He usually interrupts the more boring conversations to him, the news, with requests to help him spell (sound out) words, his new favorite thing to do.

Last night, I was recounting Wash’s doctor’s appointment to Ries over dinner. Washington’s stats at 4 months are:

Weight: 16.03 lbs (60% percentile)
Length: 25.25 in. (50% percentile)
Head Circ.: 17.25 in (95.88% percentile).

We were laughing that the short, fat, large meloned babies the Miesmers are famous for definitely did not skip our boys as infants. I told Ries that the doctor said that his head was big because it has to “hold all those brains.” I added that Wash will be smart, just like his brother.

Gideon looked at me from across the table and said, “Now that’s a problem for you.”

I laughed and told him that indeed, it was going to be a problem for me. In fact, it already is most days.

Washington is progressing just like he should, babbling, laughing, grabbing things (and putting those things in his mouth), and doing push-ups during tummy time. He eats great and sleeps like a champ, going to bed around 9pm and waking up between 3:30 and 6am. That is a whole lotta sleep for this momma!

My boys keep me on my toes, with those big brain-filled melons, and I would not have it any other way.

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When Ries sees that Gideon has an excess of energy, which at three is about 70% of the time, he simply tells the ball of energy to, “Run around in circles.”

Gideon is always happy to comply and will immediately start running in tight circles for about 5-10 rotations, gleefully laughing. At the end of the rotations, he staggers like a pirate on a rum bender, still running at top speed. After he regains his vertigo, Ries will yell, “Do it again!” at which point the cycle continues.

Last night, I was watching this familiar drama when…

Gideon, after a couple cycles of running circles yelled, “I know what I am doing!”

And then promptly ran his forehead into the high chair at which point his parents laughed like loons while our three year old tumbled to the floor.

*People, do not try this at home. We are untrained professionals and have no idea what the hell we are doing.

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We have been occupied with getting ready for Brother’s impending arrival, 3 weeks and counting, and battling a bought of unpleasant sickness. Thankfully, I have so far escaped the flu/cold thing that brought Gideon and Ries so low. Everyone is more or less on the mend. I will post a more newsy update later. For now, I have a funny story for you, involving a boy and his favorite body part which will be referred to for the remaining of the post with the word “twig”.

Gideon was on the potty before nap time today as a preemptive strike. He did not have to go, but did proceed to play with his twig. I mean, it was already out there, right? As twigs are wont to do, it became less, ahem, flaccid that normal. At this point, I decided he was definitely not going to pee, so I took him off the potty. He stood there, holding his twig, which was pointing straight out, looked up at me, lifted his eyebrows, and said, “Isn’t it amazing?”

Amazing was the exact word I was searching for. Actually, I was laughing so hard I did not have a reply for him.

When he is older, he will be mortified that I tell these kinds of stories. I love being a Mom. Bwahahahaaaaa.

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Our Future Homebrewer

Originally uploaded by Wandering Eyre

Our new Brew Your Own Magazine came in the mail today. Gideon carried it inside, sat down on the couch, and told me he was reading about beer. Nothing gets by this kid.

His Gammy informed me today that while they were watching him on Friday he made a friend at their church, a girlfriend. While playing on the indoor playground, which is one of those play structures with a lot of tubes for climbing, he met a girl names Rachael from the 3 year old class.

Gideon and Rachael sat in the tube together with Rachael planted firmly in Gideon’s lap. I am told he had his arms around her and kissed her on the cheek when she left.

What a flirt!

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Yesterday morning, Gideon, who is two, crawled in bed with me, naked funny enough given what followed, and proceeded to have the following conversation with me:

Gideon: When I get bigger, I am going to have a big twig*
Me, wanting to temper his expectations just in case: Well, I think it will be just the right size for you.
Gideon: No. When I bigger and bigger, I am going to have a big twig!
Me, trying again: Your twig will grow bigger as you get bigger but it will always be just the right size.
Gideon: It will be big.
Me, giving up: OK.

I had no idea that being a boy and having boy parts was not only captivating but contemplative as one considered the future. I am hoping to be spared more twig conversations with the next one and get a girl, whose parts I am way more familiar with.

Ries, of course, was no help and spent the entire time laughing at us in the bathroom as he got ready for work.

*twig being a euphemism for his boy part which he used the correct term for.

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Holes

It must be wonderful to be young and to have every day filled with new and exciting discoveries. Every experience is unique and wonderful. Gideon made a truly astuonding discovery last Thursday. Here was the event as it unfolded:

Gideon was taking a bath and playing. I noticed he had his hand underneath his junk (his boy parts which we do call by their actual names but I figured would be better left off this post). I figured he was just playing with it or cleaning his “undercarriage” as the boys in this house call it. He looked up at me and said with wonder in his voice, “Bum… has a hole. Bum has a hole in it.” I realized he must have been reaching a bit farther back than I thought. With my lips twitching up I replied, “You are right. Your bum does have a hole in it.”

He kept feeling around and repeating, “Bum has a hole in it.”

I told him that was where the poop comes out. He thought about that for awhile, continuing to feel the area in discussion. I could see the wheels turning around in his head.

After a couple minutes of this conversation going in circles between the two of us, Gideon said, “Tell Daddy. Tell Daddy something.”

I was fairly certain I knew what Daddy was going to be told, but I yelled for Ries, who was doing the dinner dishes, “Daddy! Gideon has something to tell you.”

Ries dutifully appeared and I smiled at him, trying not to laugh.

“What, Gideon?” Ries asked.

In a very serious voice, Gideon announced, “Bum… has a hole in it.” Then he asked, “Daddy bum have a hole in it?”

To his credit, Ries, who had been hearing the exchange before entering said very solemnly, “Yes, my bum has a hole in it. That’s where the poop comes out.”

“Everyone’s bum has a hole in it,” I added for good measure. Gideon made the connection and said, “Mommy’s bum has a hole in it?”

“Yep.”

The conversation continued in this vein for the rest of bath time.

Sunday night at bath time, I said something to my child I thought I would never say in my life, “Gideon, take your finger out of your bum. That is where the poop comes out. Yucky.”

It was really hard to ask him to do that with a straight face. I was laughing on the inside.

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Gideon recently discovered that the world sounds different with his fingers in his ears.

Friday, he popped his fingers in his ears and leaned close to me and said very earnestly into my face, “I hear the voices.”

So do I, kiddo. So do I.

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