Gideon is One week old today and that makes 7 days in NICU.
When I was looking around for boy names I knew two things: 1) I did not want an “ordinary” name. I grew up with at least one other Michelle in my classes and it was annoying. Plus, with a name like Smith, I could not regulate my poor child to John Doe status by naming him something like, well, John. 2) We had been looking at Bible names and I was hoping to find one I loved. Gideon popped into my head one day, it also has the distinction of being the youngest brother in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I reread the story in Judges chapters 6-8 and knew that was what my son’s name should be.
The Gideon of the Bible was a farmer, the least of his clan. Israel is, at this time, being plagued by the Midianites and the Israelites are worshiping false idols. The Midianites are burning Israel’s crops and generally making their lives miserable. The Children of Israel call out to God and the Lord calls to Gideon. He asks Gideon to lead an army against the Midinanites to free the people. Gideon is, of course, dubious of God’s choice, but eventually he is convinced. With only 300 men, a little smarts, and faith, Gideon and God defeat the Middianites and Israel asks Gideon to become their ruler. Gideon refuses telling them that God is their King and the Israelites have 40 years of peace.
It is a classic Bible theme where the least of those among us become the greatest through their faith and belief in the power of the Lord’s hand. I had no idea how appropriate a name God lead me to that day long ago.
This week, Gideon and God have taught me a few things.
I have learned patience. I am not a patient person by nature. This can be confirmed by anyone who has ever met me. I just want things when I think they should happen. This week, I have let that go. I have stopped thinking about my time and I have settled into God’s time, which funny enough also means NICU time. It is a time warp where nothing makes sense but doing the thing in front of you. I know God is taking care of my family so I have stopped worrying. I have faith in God and that allows me to sit and wait. And wait we do.
I have learned that the only thing that matters is today. There are two things about which I have almost stopped thinking: when I can hold my son and when we can go home. I can not think about that yet because there are so many things that need to happen first and the list of them is overwhelming. Overwhelming enough that you start thinking it will never happen, it is too much, what if, what if, what if. So I stopped that.
Instead, I think about what needs to happen today and pray for those things. Today, Gideon needs to pee more to release fluid or the everyday plea of today, Gideon’s lungs need to work a little better, just a little. There are two long term things I pray for, I will not lie, but I try to be short term goal oriented.
I have learned faith and the power of prayer. I am not wasting my time worrying too much though I do occasionally stray down the path before stopping myself. I am usually a notorious worrier though throughout this pregnancy and the last few days, I have also given this up to God. I do not worry because I know God is watching over us. I know He is guiding us through this and teaching us everyday. I know God has plans for us, for this experience, and for my family. I know this. It does not matter that I do not know what the plan is; that is not important. I know we are all going to be ok. Gideon, starting the least of these, will be great (even if only in the eyes of his Grandmas) and Ries and I will have a story of faith to pass on to our son and others.
I am amazed by the people praying for us. I know it is because of prayer and faith that things have gone well so far. I have never felt the power of prayer in my life in this way and it is such a powerful feeling. God hears all the pleas of His children.
Today, my prayer is the same as it has been each day this week: Lord, please help Gideon’s lungs to be just a little bit better today. Please help him to have no complications today and no infections. Please watch over his doctors and nurses. Thank you for blessing of this place. Thank you for this day and the perfect, precious child you have entrusted to me. Amen
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